A Conversation on Building your Network

Notes from a recent interview with Merge Magazine by Jared Smith

"It's not only what you know, it's who you know." My father's words are etched in my memory, and I've been living by them ever since. In my opinion, it's the people you meet who will truly transform your life (for better or worse) perhaps more-so than any other single strategy.

I like to think of networking in terms of building relationships. The traditional definition of networking (meet as many people as you can as fast as you can) seems to go against the idea of building long-term, lasting, sustainable, win-win relationships. For this reason, I would define a great networker as someone who takes their time, listens, asks lots of great questions, and shows a genuine and authentic interest and desire to help. When I lived in China in 1997, where a person's self-worth is defined in terms of how well they build "guanxi" (deep relations), a typical business meeting would last several hours... and sometimes days!

In my experience, meeting great people tends to happen outside of traditional networking functions (i.e. mixers and other "staged" meet-and-greet events). I've met some amazing people through my pursuits in various non-business communities including martial arts, cycling, stand-up-paddle boarding, and volunteer groups.

I've had success building profound relationships with people through Twitter and LinkedIn and as a result of my blog. However, not-unlike the physical circles that I play in, similar rules apply. Self promotion is probably the biggest relationship killer on and offline. However, those who are willing to take the time to help others through their posts, conversations, and tweets will be rewarded.

Small nuances can make-or-break a good start. In the first 7 seconds of an introduction people make lasting impressions that can last 7 years. It's become important for me to pay attention to the small details, from miss-placed handshakes to spelling errors.

Perhaps the biggest impediment to building great relationships: ego. Our ego forms harsh judgment, and in my experiences, great people are often not what they first appear to be. I've made that mistake (and have the bruises to prove it!) one too many times in karate tournaments.

Where to begin? Start with your own passions. I've seen too many people "take up golf" for all the wrong reasons... mind you I might be speaking from a place of bias here - I suck at golf!